literature

All For YOU, Nothing For me

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Literature Text

I spent a week
Realizing some
Unchangeable truths.

I did
What felt right
And was
Right.

You,
Instead,
Buried your head
In the sand
And refused to
Listen.

You painted me
The bad guy
When I was doing
What was sure
To occur
In the future.

Yes,
We have
Similarities.

We also have
Differences.

Your emotions,
Eventually,
Exhaust me.
But no, I’m selfish
For trying
To amend that,
For doing the
Right thing
Because you claim
My logic
Balances
Your emotions.
All at
My own
Expense.


While
You benefit,
I’m tired.
I grate and
Screech
Against the
Ground,
My feet
Bloody and
Sore.

You’re clingy,
And I’m
Independent.
The physical contact
Drives me away,
Makes me
Uncomfortable.
But you want affection,
Need it,
And I should
Be the one
To sacrifice myself
For it.
For you.

I should
Bleed for
You
And ask nothing
In return.

I tried to do
What was right
For me
Long-term,
For us
Long-term,
Because it
Was healthy,
Emotionally
And mentally.

But I was wrong.

Everyone will agree,
I was wrong.

Doing what is
Right for me
Is selfish,
Wrong.

Narcissistic.

So I’ll give
Myself up,
Give up
My identity
Just for
You.

Let myself
Fall away
And apart
And break
And be what
I’m not.

My mind is weak,
My will means nothing.

Your manipulation
Is all that
Matters,
And despite
The disgust
I feel,
You’re the only
One
Who matters.

I don’t matter.
My feelings
Don’t matter.

And it’s okay,
Because
I understand
That now.
I accept
That now.

And I’m willing
To let myself
Die inside,
All for
You,
And nothing
For me.
So I was thinking for a week. Seriously thinking about my relationship with my girlfriend. And sure we share similarities, but we also have drastic differences that don't mix. I expressed this and suggested before things turn sour, we end our relationship and remain good friends. For two days after, she constantly attempted to manipulate me and make me seem like the bad guy for thinking about us long-term. I did what was right, and I was punished for it. She made everyone think I was the bad guy, even though emotionally and mentally I was exhausted. This was affecting me physically, and I tried to do what I needed to do for me after months of not doing that.

I agreed to stay with her just so she could stop and leave me alone on the topic. I actually did cut myself with a massive knife no one has used before, so it was at its sharpest. My thighs are a mess and I almost went vertical on my arms because I felt like I couldn't live with her ruining me for doing what I thought was and what really was the right thing.
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